Stay Alive

Truth? I always thought I was too weak to take my own life because I couldn’t handle the pain. That and I was too indecisive, I couldn’t pick my poison if you will. I’ve often discussed what would be the least painful way to commit suicide!

This is where I’d list all the options but why give people any more ideas! Do your own research! Just kidding. Stay alive.

I will say that I have tried and failed miserably. Looking back at my life now…Thank God I failed (you’ll never hear an Indian say that 😂)!!

It was early in my marriage, maybe my first year and I sliced my wrist. Oh yes. I told some lie about a drinking glass breaking in the sink and cutting me. I told it so much I started to believe it.

Yet every time I look at the scar on my wrist, it serves as a reminder, of the truth. Even God wanted me to live or maybe I did, look at the cut it’s so skewed like hello?? I’m in the healthcare field I don’t know where my artery is? Oh lord I’ve said to much 🤭

Then it hit me, the pain of taking your life seems far smaller than the pain inside a person. I should know. The pain inside a person is so great, so severe any remedy to end it seems like a welcome pleasure.

We do more to avoid pain than seek pleasure.

What if it wasn’t pleasure at all? See I believe in multiple lives so it’d really come down to, you really think the universe will let you off the hook!?

You will be back doing this again and again until you get it, learning the lessons and connecting to the humans in your life.

God got you to it, she will get you through it.

Keep faith and move through the suffering to the other side of life! Not silence.  Look around there’s always one, just one person who loves you so very much they pray for your life, it matters deeply to her or him that you stay alive!

In the end if you’re gone, it’s NOT about you. It is very much about the people we leave behind. Leaving them feeling lost, depressed, lifeless. Is this the legacy you will pass on?

If your loved one was feeling all these things what would you say?

You’d say, talk to me, you’d say talk to someone, breathe, I love you, you’re not alone… let’s figure this out!

I promise from my deepest darkest secrets that anything is figure-outable! Anything.

Do the ones you love a favor, love them back by figuring it out and staying alive!

Side note: I’ve had a past life regression (PLR) in one of my lives it was set in early 1900s or late 1800s I was in India wanting to be a teacher when most women did not work, except the rarity. My husband in that life (Let’s just say he’s very very close to me in this life and no not my current husband!)

Anyways so he was a powerful man with a big ego and did not want to go against the grain, I guess on some deep level I knew I couldn’t do the thing I loved so I did it, committed suicide.
And guess what?

I’m back here in this life with much of the same lessons and the same damn people!!! Attempting the same darn thing!

WTH!

So it’s real people! I speak from experience, you’ll be back here like GroundHogs Day!

I just want to tell you. You are beautiful. You are loved. Your smile lights up my world. I have faith you can bring that smile back.
If you are even mildly thinking of suicide please, please, puh-leez call: 800-273-8255 or text ‘Hello’ to 741741 The Suicide Prevention Hotline.

June 10th, 2018 Uncategorized