How would you feel? If you started to tell a story, idea, and then your friend, spouse, partner was checking their phone. They said, “I’m listening, but I need to look for something on my phone.”

I’d bet you felt ignored, hurt, and maybe even diminished because the google search was more important than what you have to say.

There’s even a name for it, phubbing. Its phone snubbing. Creating a name for something usually, unfortunately, validates it.  Like oh you’re HANGRY (hungry and angry), people laugh and the ones guilty think its allowed because they’re labeled. If there’s a name for it, its validated, its ok. Its NOT OK.

Moments like this can feel like no big deals and yet they can totally create blocks. Blocks within you that tell you next time don’t share. You start to tell yourself what you have to say is not important. Blocking love and connection.

Maybe even in the moment, you’d say, “no biggie I’m just talking out loud, sharing my stupid thoughts and ideas.” Yes, I’ve actually said that before to someone who said “sorry, I am listening but I need to do this right now. I’m not trying to dismiss you.”

Yet, that’s exactly what you are doing. I think the problem here is not necessarily them— it’s who I choose to share with.

Know the people who respect and appreciate what you have to say and NEVER diminish your light to make someone else feel comfortable.

Because in the end you will most definitely pay. Let it be a lesson to you to pay attention.

Pay attention to who puts you first.

Pay attention to the interaction, if they’re busy then give them time to finish what they were doing and see if they follow up, “hey what were you saying, I’d like you to finish sharing.”

Coming back and following up is a very important step… because it shows they were present and mindful of the situation. Following up means they CARE what you have to say. And unfortunately, if they don’t follow up, they probably weren’t interested in the first place.

If you know what it feels like to be dismissed, ignored, diminished, don’t do it to someone else. Pay attention to those you love, give them your time, honest communication and listen to what they have to say… ALWAYS! 

 

PC: shutterstock.com and lifehack.com

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