What if you could see yourself from the eyes of your best friend?
You would probably see yourself as the bomb, the shiz-nizzel, or just simply beautiful. One of my dear friends reached out last week and said, ‘can you believe my aunt put an old pic of me on facebook! Its not even #ThrowBackThursday or #FlashBackFriday.’
I saw the picture and all I could focus on was her beautiful eyes, her innocent expression and her cuteness! She of course didn’t see the picture the same way, I can only hope in telling her what I saw that maybe even for a moment she could see it through my eyes and see her beauty.
It reminds me how very hard we are on ourselves.
We are our own bestest friends, being there to wipe our own tears, inspiring our own spirits to thrive and being the support we need to laugh at ourselves. And yet we are our own worst enemy. I don’t have any enemies in this moment because there is nothing they could think or say about me that would be worse than what I’ve already told myself at some point.
I said to my husband the other night, “I wish we could all see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us.” He responded, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and you’d see how wonderful you are.”
I, of course, said, “no offense Love, but if you don’t mind I’d like to see myself through our older daughter Neeva’s eyes.” (half joking, 100% truth). My daughter adores me! She absolutely wants to spend every waking moment with me and even on my ….lets call them “my not-so-nice days” she is there wanting to hug me and tell me how much she loves me.
I believe that mother-hood refers to the permanent space in your brain that is dedicated to your child from the second your baby is born. Even when your child isn’t around you think about her; you worry about her safety, and her pain or her joy takes precedence over anything you have going on in your world.
It’s the one thing I am in constant battle with myself over:
Am I a good mother?
Am I screwing them up?
Will they be traumatized from this?
And then I remember my daughter’s words one night as she cuddled over to me as we were watching tv, “Mommy, no matter what I do, I will always love you. You are the best mommy for me.”
I have to take a moment of silence to wipe the tears from my eyes as I write this. It really doesn’t get better than that.
She doesn’t care how I look, if I’m in my pjs or dressed up.
She doesn’t care if I clean the house or not.
She doesn’t care if I make dinner or order in.
She doesn’t care about any of the stupid things my mind tells me determines my worth as a mother. She just loves me for me. Silly, crazy, loud me. And she’s proud to be my daughter.
So what the hell is stopping me from being proud to be me?
Nothing. She reminds me of what I already know…that I’m amazing and beautiful. However, life doesn’t allow you to maintain this feeling all the time. So for the moments I can’t see or feel my own truth, I thank God I have people in my life who love me so much and are willing to show me, through their eyes, just how beautiful I am.
So I invite you to look through the eyes of someone who loves you the next time you don’t feel so good about yourself and think of the One Direction song that got it right…
“If only you saw what I can see.
You’d understand why I want you so desperately.
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know oh-oh.
You don’t know you’re beautiful.”
Love & Healing♥
April 14th, 2015 Clear Mind